Poetry 1998-1999-d

Poetry 1998-1999-d
by Tawny Putnam
Email: sparkyl1@hotmail.com
Nov

98

My tears are flowing gently now,
Slow enough for me to gather my feelings,
All my broken dreams,
Seem to be floating around me,
Floating in my pool of emotions,
I keep wandering why,
All I have ever wanted,
Gets messed up and taken away,
But only by small mistakes,
Mistakes that could mean nothing,
Yet the harshness of others,
Their regards toward the mistake, keep blowing my dreams out of the water,
I ask myself ‘Why me?’
Why am I always the one who seems to get screwed over?
You say it is my fault,
And that I must settle for my consequences,
The consequences that have been given for a wrong choice,
Or what you think is a bad choice,
But then I start to realize,
I’m never good enough for anyone,
Which I know entirely to well is true,
Because it has been proven to me too many times,
Yet there always seems to be someone,
Who gets all the things I wish I had,
I feel like a fool in front of everyone,
I look around and it seems like smiles of encouragement,
Is just a way to laugh at me silently,
Because once again I have somehow,
Proven myself unworthy of my dreams,
What is there left to dream?
Every new concept that comes to mind,
I either make myself believe that I cannot accomplish it,
Or in some cases that it will come to be with great ease,
Yet in reality it is impossible,
Both ways I lose no matter what,
You teach me not to dream,
They tell me to be myself,
But all everyone really wants is an image,
An image you have of me your heads,
How your mind thinks I should be,
Now who am I supposed to be?
What am I supposed to dream?
With each passing moment my dreams evaporate,
Second by second my list of losses grows,
It all seems bad now,
But somehow my spirits will be enlightened,
Then my heart forgets all the bad,
Making each new bad encounter harder than the last,
When will my life stop coming to a crashing halt?
When will my heart no longer be like a mirror,
Shattering over and over into billions of little pieces,
Neither parties will speak,
Not you nor I, nor the ones around us,
I am too hurt and confused to say anything,
For fear I will begin something I cannot get out of,
I know my feelings are real,
No matter how hard you try to change me,
No matter how hard you try to mold my life into something it is not,
You do not understand my uniqueness,
My ability to handle so much,
But also my sensitivity,
Since I have such unique feelings,
Just to be told what to feel,
Messes up my life more that before,
When I agree to feelings that aren’t felt,
I start to live a lie,
Then everything becomes unreal,
Almost like a fantasy,
But not a wanted one,
A fantasy that was like a nightmare that would never end
Not the kind of fantasy that I wanted to put myself in,
Over and over I ask myself,
If there is anything left to dream,
That won’t be crushed or shattered?
But as the tears streak my face,
I realize that nothing really matters at all,
I let go of my past,
Promising to make a new future for myself,
And sticking to that promise day by day,
For as long as I might live.

mainpg: Eternal flame
by Tawny Putnam

Eternal flame

I never beleived in love,
or maybe it was more like I was hiding from it,
Hiding or not i found it sneaking up on me,
Creeping round from the tips of my toes,
To the top of my head,
Flowing through every ounce of my soul,
I hoped this feeling would leave,
And much quicker than it came,
But it didn’t,
Oh how I wanted it to leave,
Yet it stayed,
Clenching my heart even more feircly,
This eternal flame burns furiously,
No kindleing has been done yet,
Just burning evenly for an eternity,
I try to put this fire out,
But the harder i try,
The more feircly it glows,
My soul wants to feed the fire,
My mind has finally accepted it,
My heart is a mangled mess,
For I have mistaken anothers word of love,
Only to be left with peices to sweep up,
Each time I let my heart be terrorized,
I hate myself,
For I remeber my eternal flame for you,
How could I do such a thing?
But the real question is,
Do you feel the same?
Everything lies in your hands,
You are my eternal love,
And to put out my flame,
You must pour cold water on it,
Use your gentlest,
Yet cruelest words,
Blow away the remaining ashes,
Never look back,
For a simple regret,
Will stir up the flame again,
The next time will be so much harder to kill the fire,
Chose wisely my love,
I know you will,
I have faith in you,
Think long and hard,
Search deep and wide,
Be sure your actions will give you absolutely no regrets.

I never beleived in love,
or maybe it was more like I was hiding from it,
Hiding or not i found it sneaking up on me,
Creeping round from the tips of my toes,
To the top of my head,
Flowing through every ounce of my soul,
I hoped this feeling would leave,
And much quicker than it came,
But it didn’t,
Oh how I wanted it to leave,
Yet it stayed,
Clenching my heart even more feircly,
This eternal flame burns furiously,
No kindleing has been done yet,
Just burning evenly for an eternity,
I try to put this fire out,
But the harder i try,
The more feircly it glows,
My soul wants to feed the fire,
My mind has finally accepted it,
My heart is a mangled mess,
For I have mistaken anothers word of love,
Only to be left with peices to sweep up,
Each time I let my heart be terrorized,
I hate myself,
For I remeber my eternal flame for you,
How could I do such a thing?
But the real question is,
Do you feel the same?
Everything lies in your hands,
You are my eternal love,
And to put out my flame,
You must pour cold water on it,
Use your gentlest,
Yet cruelest words,
Blow away the remaining ashes,
Never look back,
For a simple regret,
Will stir up the flame again,
The next time will be so much harder to kill the fire,
Chose wisely my love,
I know you will,
I have faith in you,
Think long and hard,
Search deep and wide,
Be sure your actions will give you absolutely no regrets.

Good Day

I’m feeling sad…, somewhat scared, and apprehensive about this “Grand Dame” of all adventures in my life,so far! Yet, at the same time I am curious as to what mysteries await me at the other end of this exciting airplane flight. All of these different emotions flood my senses, threatening to
overpower me, one by one. I turn my head to look outside the window, and down below me I behold the most beautiful sight my eyes have ever seen. A tropical paradise! My florid Island home, embraced and caressed by the aqua colored waters that surround it’s graceful, alabaster shores. “Goodbye”, wave the Palms trees. “Farewell”, whispers the Rain Forest. “Vaya con Dios”, sings the Coqui.”Goodbye, my Island home!” “My verdant, tropical mother!” “My one and only true love!” “Goodbye…. Adios…!”

MY ISLAND MOTHER
Just like a young and tender sapling,
You nourished me since birth.
My limbs grew strong yet slender,
Island mother, home on earth.
My spirit you did nurture,
with your beauty, so sublime.
Your loving breeze caressed me,
For mankind had no time.
Your warm tropical sunshine,
Did wake me up each day,
In time to hear the last of the Coqui sing
Before they went away.
I roamed around your forests,
Ran up and down your hills.
You loved me Island mother
Like no one ever will.
I miss the gentle kisses,
Placed on my youthful cheeks,
By playful drops of water,
As I splashed upon your creeks.
I laid down on your gentle ground,
On many star-filled nights,
And safe within your warm embrace,
My spirit would take flight.
I’d travel to the stars so high,
And look down upon the earth,
No where else did I want to venture to,
But to the Island of my birth.
And like that tender sapling,
They pulled me, roots and all,
Transplanted me into some foreign soil,
Where I grew strong and tall.
There’s only one thing lacking,
My spirit they can’t find,
Though many have been searching,
It must have stayed behind.
In the shadows of the Palm trees,
Dancing with the ocean breeze,
On the most majestic Island,
There my spirit dwells at ease!

Poetry 1998-1999-d

BY, HILDA M. SINCLAIR

August 4. 98